It’s Sid Vicious. The dead one from the Sex Pistols who was engaged to the Ugly One. Y’know the ugly, ugly one he ended up murdering with plastic fork. Emulating his hairstyle shouldn’t be too difficult, just don’t wash your hair for the next 10 years. You might want to pray for a seagull to take a shat on your head. The more often this happens the more pronounced the effect will be.

Here’s Johnny during his “Gaunt Irish Zombie” period. Rotten never seemed to plan anything and I’m sure his choice of hairstyle was not his own, rather his beds. Or more like the park bench’s going by the evidence of this picture. Still though it shows a lot more character than a lot of other so called punks. Argh!!! That picture is actually quite freaky! Try to stare him in the eyes for a few moments. Jesus……..I’m enthralled by the texture of his hair. It doesn’t know what it wants to do.

A few months ago I had a notion for a few days that maybe, just maybe romance had gone and vanished for good. Maybe I was having an off day, who knows. But it gave me the notion to think about the subject of romance and put pen to paper (well keyboard actually).

Is love and romance dead do you think? I don’t think so at all. After pondering the question I came to the decision that romance must be alive and well and living in all of us, it may just be hiding. Well most of us anyway. It is a question that women may be accused of asking more than men. But I know a lot of men who would ask the same question. Listen to me when I say – romance is not dead; even if it can appear to be dead some days. The question is, why do we think its has gone?

The answer of course does depend on what you mean by romance. Romance is many different things to many different people. It can mean kissing in the rain, it can mean holding a door open, showing respect, buying flowers, moving a seat, supporting an arm, making a Valentine’s card, creating surprises for your loved one, even helping them when they are in need, but it generally relates directly to affection and togetherness. Romance is the art of demonstrating your feelings in an outward fashion and making someone feel special. You won’t be romantic to someone you don’t want romance with, so it is a coming together of two like minded people that allows romance to flourish.

Why do we think that love and romance have gone? This is most obviously demonstrated in a passionless world where sex has become main stream. Sex of course is not romance. Sex is exactly that, sex. It may be part of romance, it may be integral to love and a relationship, but romance is something altogether different. Romance appears to have vanished in our lives because people are so busy, so directional, so needy for the things that assist them in functioning. In other words, our lives are quite selfish really. We may not like to admit it, but we do first, what helps ourselves, and then secondly we help others. With romance, your own needs are subjugated by your own free will to allow for the benefit of your chosen partner.

Men are often accused of not being romantic, and being too practical instead. That may be true yes, but it is not fair on men to say that all the time. The practicality of men often belies their romantic nature. By fixing something up, be repairing , mending, doing, helping, that’s often a man showing consideration , effort, attention, affection and yes, ladies, romance! The problem is, the lady doesn’t always see it that way. Covered all day in oil in the yard is not romantic, except perhaps in a movie or two. Arguing with a waiter or in a shop is not assisting, it is being belligerent and rude and therefore not romantic in the least. However do try and understand that a man thinks that if he is assisting or helping, he is being considerate.

When considering love and romance, romance is about effort, about winning favor, about deserving love, about respect. One only needs to read Chaucer’s The Knight’s Tale to read a full description on the concept of romance. What I am arguing is that if you want to be romantic, you need to understand what it is to be romantic. Does it mean you need to watch French cinema, read romantic novels, listen to romantic music. Maybe yes it does! Our world can be a soulless world, and more often that not romance is missing from our daily lives. But it needn’t be so. I argue that if you are willing and able to relearn romance for yourself, then you can begin to practise it. Romance is not a definite art from. Just because the person you’re with buys you a rose, doesn’t make them any more romantic. But maybe it is a romantic gesture if it is spontaneous.

The largest arrangement of red roses, the most expensive seat at the opera, the most luxurious car in the lot are not romantic, especially when they are regularly provided. Romance is about small thoughts and expression, about giving and feeling, about caring for someone and wanting to show someone how special they are. It’s about the details, about the small things in life that you put a lot of attention into especially to make someone else’s life better on one way or another. Now that is romance.

Valentine’s day is a commercial day we know but I often think it is sad on 14th February each year when I see so many people pacing along after work clutching expensive roses and cards. It is nice to show you love someone, but if this is the only day in a year you do so then where did the romance go? Every day is a day to buy and send flowers, every day is a day to make someone a hand made card, a scribbled note, asingle flower from the garden, a note on the pillow, a surprise breakfast, a surprise outing, even just a phone call when it’s needed. That, my friend, is romance.

I once read the results of a survey in a leading woman’s magazine that said the number 1 most attractive quality in a man was confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. It took some time to sink in as to what this really meant. Did it mean grabbing the girl in matinee idol pose and whisking her backwards whilst I kissed those luscious lips of hers? Did it mean turning into a caveman never taking no for an answer? Did it mean turning up at the door of the girl next door and whisking her off to Paris for the weekend, though we had hardly spoken? What did they mean by confidence? The quest was on it find out.
Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn’t all things to all men. Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder. Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully. The point is not confidence itself, but its easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear in men is not attractive. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination. This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face.
Okay, back to confidence. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend. Another told me, “ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees”. So I pressed them further. A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do,, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, his day. And to many women that is very attractive.
After all, a woman is looking for a partner, one who will not only match with her mentally and physically, but someone who can drive her onwards, someone who has ambition and vitality, someone who can pass hi self assuredness on to her. A man who is confident is sexy because he is comfortable with himself, he is in control and he is able to make decisions, good decisions. He is confident in the choices he makes and in choosing you (maybe really you selected him), he passes this feeling of being special on to you. Being selected by the right man can be very sexy indeed.
If you are going to date the beauty in the corner and father her children then running away is not a good start, neither is feeling bad about yourself and failing to be able to hold a decent conversation. Far too many men decide in advance of an approach if they are worth of a woman’s attentions or not. All too often they believe they are not. Except where alcohol is involved. Men in bars exude confidence, but they also exude beer breath as well! No the fact is that guys who lack confidence prejudge most situations and inevitably take themselves out of the dating fray before it ever happens, hoping, strangely, that the woman will make the first move.
The fact is, the confident men more often than not get the girl, because the confident man has something about him. I know plenty of good looking handsome men who are afraid to approach women so its not necessarily about looks. No, its about something within. Confidence is about self respect and self understanding. It comes from understanding what you yourself are about and when this happens a sexy man reaches out. Often lack of confidence in men is because of physique and yet it is an issue so easy to fix. 12 weeks in a gym will change a man’s life. A fit man is a confident man. Dress is also something that instills confidence. No man has an excuse for not dressing reasonably smart these days as fashion for men is everywhere.
Ultimately we all lose confidence from time to time. People can take our confidence away at work or at home, in partnerships and on our own. Ultimately though these are passing phases. If a man can do one thing for himself in the dating game, that is to learn about his own confidence levels in an honest way and then go about doing something to increase them. Feel good about yourself guys and someone will feel good about you.